"We marry at the level of our self-esteem".
This phrase has haunted me since I heard it on Oprah a few weeks ago. It has a ring of truth about and it may explain so many things that happen in some marriages.
Then, there is the idea behind the Law of Attraction. If we attract to ourselves people who will move us along in our journey through life, often painfully, and if we attract people who reinforce our subconscious thoughts about ourselves, then what does this say about the situations that have dominated our past lives.
Add to this, the idea that we are products of our environment and often, like a fish in water, may have no concept of how our environment is affecting us. Until we can recognize, understand, envision or verbalize a concept, we cannot really process or address it properly. Until we can step outside of our current situation, we cannot always conceptualize the best solution for ourselves. And, I think we need to do this if we want to make positive and lasting changes in our lives.
What if we, on top of all of this, are living in denial. Do we have clues that we ignore, or is denial such a force in our lives, that what is real and true and honest cannot penetrate the forces of denial. Denial is a survival mechanism. When we no longer need to use this tool, how can we work through to resolve and dissolve it when we don't even accept the fact that we even might be in denial.
In the past few weeks, since I have been attending classes of Mindful Meditation, these thoughts have been swirling around in my head. At least they swirl when I am not actively trying to get away from the incessant chatter in my brain through practicing meditation.
Maybe, once I can weed out some of my useless repetitive thought processes, I will find enough brain space to understand why I married who I married. And, maybe, eventually figure out who, exactly, I am. Then, I can move on to be who I want to be.
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